Joy, Pain, Fear, and Perseverance

In trying to understand my negative qualities in order to fix or alleviate them, I've been thinking about my past and what got me to the place where I am now. I thought about the good times that I've been fortunate enough to experience. I thought about how the good things that happen in life often come from some sort of trial or pain. That led me to think about how some painful events or situations came from things that were originally good. The pain of failure can come from the joy of education if you bomb the final. The joy of winning first prize in the relay race can come from the pain of having to replace the anchor runner of the team because of illness.

I've experienced joy that started with pain. Ten years ago I was struggling through a back injury that nearly cost me my spot as timpanist / section leader for Blue Knights. There was a stretch of nearly two weeks where I couldn't make it through a full day of rehearsal, and in the world of drum corps, that's likened to missing almost a month of school! That back injury made me stop playing for a while, but I started thinking more about the music I was supposed to be playing and figuring out ways to make it better. It's always nice when you can take a step back and look from a distance at how things are and how they should be. Because I was able to stop and regroup mentally, I was able to go to the next level of my musical ability. By the end of that season I had aged out of drum corps as World Champion Timpanist for Drum Corps International and as Best In Section for Blue Knights Drum and Bugle Corps.

I've also experienced extreme pain that stemmed from joy. I'm blessed to be part of a big family. For many of us, family is one of God's greatest treasures. He gives us people to care for us when we're young, teach us as we grow, encourage us as we struggle through adulthood, raise as our own children and grandchildren, and care for us again when we're old. At the same time, he takes away those very same people. I've dealt with a lot of death and loss in my lifetime. I lost my great-grandfather, Robin James (after whom I am named) at age 4, my Uncle, Charlie Staples (also after whom I am named) just after I turned 13, my mother, Shirley, about a month after Uncle Charlie, my brother, Ernie, when I was 24, my brother, Ron, when I was 26, my Gram, Bea Adams, when I was 27, and so many aunts, uncles, cousins, friends along the way. I've been engaged to be married twice, yet I've never been married yet. I've lost countless friendships for countless reasons. I've lost jobs and job opportunities. I've lost places to live and people to live with. All of these things and people brought joy to me at some point, but that joy was stifled by the pain of losing them.

I guess that's why I struggle with fear. I've become accustomed to living with the fear that all that I have and know and love will be taken from me. That sounds like I just walk around all day hoping God doesn't take something else from me...and it's somewhat true, but it's much more complicated than that. See, I know very well that God will give and take away because that's what He does. However, I'm a little selfish and somewhat insecure which means I tend to want to hold on to what I have. It really hurts me when God takes things or people from me. That's when I have to remember that God is painting this picture that is so much bigger than my life and my selfishness. He chose to include me in that picture, but I'm not the focal point of it. Jesus is. So, if I tough it out and trust God enough to know that He knows what's best, I will find all that joy that I lost and I'll find it in Him. Ain't that good news?!

- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
album: Where Angels Fear To Tread (2002)

Peace, Love and Chocolate

Good

Things are going well. Steph and I are doing great, I'm busy with Acappella and my job at the church, and I get to see my folks next week. I'm headed home for a few days before our concerts in Oklahoma City (Edmond) and Tulsa (come see us in concert if you're in the area.. www.acappella.org/calendar) so I'm excited about that. We just finished up with Acafest and that went rather nicely. Now we're gearing up for the rest of July. Once this month is over, life will calm down immensely. So, I wanted to share a song that's been on my heart for a some time now. It's a reminder that no matter what happens in my life, God is still God and nothing will ever change that. It's a reminder that He loves me and He is merciful to me, even though I don't deserve it. Remember Him as you go through your week. I bet you'll be glad you did!

YOU ARE GOOD

Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever,
Lord you are good and your mercy endureth forever

People from every nation and tongue
From generation to generation

We worship you
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
We worship you
For who you are...

We worship you
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
We worship you
For who you are
[repeat]

You are good

You are good - all the time
All the time - you are good

HOUGHTON, ISRAEL
Copyright: 2001 INTEGRITYS PRAISE! MUSIC
CDTitle: SPEAK TO NATIONS
Year: 2001
ISRAEL & NEW BREED

Peace, Love, and Chocolate